you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
