It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
