I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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