Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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