right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Damn victory sex feels great
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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