He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
