the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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