He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
