I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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