She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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