So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
