i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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