so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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