They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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