If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
