Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Sober January is a disaster.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
should my penis look like a turkey
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
