I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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