I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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