I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
