They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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