just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
