I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
