Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No...this little piggys going to the bar
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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