Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
