3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
