so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
