I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
