I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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