He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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