I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
