look no pants
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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