Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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