I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
