I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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