it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
is wine microwaveable?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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