If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
