I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
