You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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