i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
