Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
