I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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