i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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