I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
