That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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