I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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