I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
