I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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