so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
