Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
