Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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