Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize