party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
