WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
