I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
