You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
