dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't deserve a penis
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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