we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
