Ambien. No doubt about it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
