Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
