i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
