she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
