can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
