she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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