I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
