yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
