i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
