I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
