Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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