the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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