Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
