Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You took a bar mat shot.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
