And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My life is pants optional.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
