Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize